Road Hole Shorts

Golf Design, golf, golf, GOLF

A lot about nothing

By Mary Armstrong

Last year I gave you some of my favorite golf quotes. This of course led to many more being presented to me for consideration and I’m providing those and more from “quotegarden.com”:

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. ~P.G. Wodehouse, A Mixed Threesome, 1922

Golf is like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. ~Arthur Daley

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it. ~Ted Ray, Golf – My Slice of Life, 1972

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1975

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~Gardner Dickinson

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~Will Rogers

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death. ~Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth

Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent’s. ~Grantland Rice

Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~Mark Twain

They throw their clubs backwards, and that’s wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it. ~Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one. ~Martha Beckman

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced. ~Attributed to both Miller Barber and Lee Trevino

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course. ~Lee Trevino

 I’ve spent most of my life golfing – the rest I’ve just wasted. ~Author Unknown

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that. ~Jim Murray

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. ~Lee Trevino

I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators. ~Gerald Ford

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose. ~Gerald Ford

Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game. ~Phil Blackmar

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around. ~Rick Reilly, “Master Strokes,” Sports Illustrated

Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance. ~Alistair Cooke

But you don’t have to go up in the stands and play your foul balls. I do. ~Sam Snead, to Ted Williams, arguing which was more difficult, to hit a moving baseball or a stationary golf ball

A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. ~Mac O’Grady

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law. ~H.G. Wells, Bealby, 1915

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. ~Don Carter

A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well. ~Author Unknown

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It’s left my memory circuits full of scars that won’t heal. ~Mac O’Grady

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham

I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

Yeah, after each of my downhill putts. ~Homero Blancas, asked if he had any uphill putts

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do. ~Osbert Sitwell

Gone golfin’… be back dark thirty. ~Author Unknown

Born to golf. Forced to work. ~Author Unknown

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. ~Author Unknown

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf. ~Henry Longhurst  

And finally: I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105. ~Bob Hope

Sorry Bob, you only made to 100.

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