Road Hole Shorts

Golf Design, golf, golf, GOLF

Gobbledy Golf

By Mary Armstrong

Published in the Las Cruces Sun-News 11/26/2010

Well, by now you’re probably gobbling your way around the golf course after yesterday’s Thanksgiving feast.  It seems like a good time to reflect on some things to be thankful for in the golf arena.  On a light note, we have the following players on the pro tours to be thankful for:

  • Woody Austin – Whether Woody is breaking clubs over his own head or falling into a lake, he’s a real person and you’ve gotta love that in a business that is full of clichés.
  • Boo Weekly – Boo – nothing more needs to be said.
  • Christina Kim – The LPGA tour is messed up, but Christina Kim is the real deal.  Wish I could play golf with her every day – what a ball!
  • Phil Mickelson – Phil is a golf broadcaster’s savior.  You never know what he is going to do, but you can bet it’s going to be entertaining.
  • Bubba Watson – With a name like Bubba you’d think his real first name was something like Oglethorpe, but it’s really Gerry (after his Dad).  He uses a pink shaft in his driver and never hits a straight shot.  Just like us amateurs – NOT!
  • Tiger Woods – in spite of himself
  • John Daly – in spite of himself II
  • Dustin Johnson – in spite of himself III – but he’s a standup guy and and one heck of a ball striker.
  • Ian Poulter – the Doug Sanders of the 21st Century
  • Camilio Villegas – the spider man of the golfing world, Camilo isn’t too hard on the eyes either.  He just needs to do something about the brows!


Continuing with lightness (from

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

“Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor.

“P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied.

“Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.”

And then there was this horrific lie (again from

Off the seventh tee, Brian sliced his shot deep into a wooded arroyo. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!

Brian immediately called out to his friend, “Jack, I’ve got trouble down here!”

“What’s the matter?” Jack asked from the edge of the arroyo.

“Bring me my wedge,” Brian shouted. “You can’t get out of here with an eight iron!”

Just wondering:

  • Do you suppose a turkey in golf would be three 10’s in a row or a birdie plus a penalty stroke?
  • When will John Daley start “carving” a diet coke logo into his haircut?
  • When the golf ball manufacturers will design a golf ball that has a computer chip in it.
  • When will the USGA smarten up and bring the “Rules of Golf” out of the 20th century.
  • When will the USGA smarten up and bring the equipment back to the 20th century.
  • When can we start having casual Fridays at the golf course: featuring no tee markers and eight inch holes?
  • If courses could start charging by the minute?
  • Why do you call players slower than you idiots, but players faster than you maniacs?
  • When will we quit raking bunkers; making them real hazards?


Seriously, if you are playing golf regularly we should be thankful for:

  • being healthy enough to enjoy the game and the outdoors at this beautiful time of year.
  • golf professionals and pro shop staff that are pleasant, helpful, respectful and most of all put helping you improve your golfing experience above all else.
  • golf superintendents and maintenance staff that provide you with the best playing surfaces for your dollar without using pesticides or other materials in ways that can harm you.
  • playing companions that know how to enjoy your company and tolerate your game.
  • a spouse or non-golfing friends that appreciate your addiction as healthy and necessary.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

A golf architect in New Hampshire for over 20 years, Armstrong brought her craft to Las Cruces last January.  She is the founder of Armstrong Golf Architects, which provides planning, designing, permitting and construction monitoring services for golf course projects.  You can comment on her writing and view past articles at her blog:


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